Ramblings of a Devil Child

and that's all I have to say.

What did I do this weekend? Went to my cousin's house, played with my baby sister and baby cousin, played Wii, went to Shannon's dance class, went on a bike ride with my Dad, hung out with friends (all girls, not that that's a problem) and watched a movie, slept with my cat, went to Stinson Beach with my mom's and dad's families, then came home to play a typing game, do my SAT book, watch a movie, and write an emo post. This is a weekend with no homework, and sounds nice and busy to me, but as soon as I imagine any of my friends doing it, it sounds lame and childish.

And now here I am, at my computer, feeling like an utter stalker as I flip through all those dance pictures at this epiCenter thing or whatever.

First of all, I'd never even heard of it.

Second, who the hell am I to even think about being there, anyway? I see all these pictures of people having fun with each other in an environment I'm not used to (shut up), and, honestly, I just feel kinda dumb.

Maybe I should feel glad that I'm not doing all that ridiculous stuff, but then, all that ridiculous stuff = adolescence. And what am I? An adolescent.

Maybe I should feel above them (I know, I shouldn't do that anyway), since I can still have fun just hanging out with family, but looking at these pictures makes me feel...under-developed. Like I'm way behind and will never catch up. I hear about people taking drugs, drinking, freak dancing, and here I am watching a movie with my dad, not even thinking that I should be out doing something else. As if my comfortable little bubble that grew in my childhood has begun to restrict me, preventing me from reaching out and grabbing hold of the real world.

I don't want to become an adult in that way. I don't want to be a grown man with the intelligence of an adult but the experience and maturity of a child. I want me to change before I get that way.

I realize I'm not unique in this regard, and there are other people even that I know that are in the same boat. But I'm still fucking sick of being different.

my Arizonian cousins (8, 13, 16, 20) had absolutely no break homework. not even projects or anything.


fuck.


and I asked them this: On a scale of 1 to 10, and your life is 10, how much of it does school take up? I know, weird phrasing, but that's what I said.

the 13-year-old said 6. the 16-year old said he wished it were 7, but it's actually 5.

fuck again. well, I wish mine were 5 instead of 9.

maybe I should transer to Phoenix next year instead of Berkeley...



oh, also, my cousins aren't allowed to say damn. that just surprised me, a lot, since some of my teachers say fuck all the time. it's a very different mindset...maybe I should stick with Berkeley.

anybody have any ideas to make me start my homework?

basically, today, yesterday, and this Monday are the days I set aside to do homework. and I really haven't done a thing.

so, ideas would be appreciated (from the three people that read this).

also, if I try your idea, and it works, I'll bake you something.

A CONTEST IS AFOOT!

If you know me well, and you most likely do, you know that I worry a lot. A lot.

Some worry about other people (Ms. Armstrong and Ms. Mingkwan spring to mind), while others solely about themselves (Mr. Poole, obviously, since I'm so self-centered).

This makes for a rather pessimistic, self-critical, and often hard-to-be-around person. Admit it. It also makes for someone who dislikes classes like journalism. I spend the whole class wondering why I'm the only one not doing anything. And then the one time I write an article, of course it's not good enough. Now everyone will think I'm a yellow journalist. At least they put his name first.

Anyway, I'm beginning to worry that self-motivation left with middle school.

Qu'est-ce qui c'est passé? I ask myself. And I never have an answer.





I'm pretty pissed off as well. I haven't really been angry for awhile, so now I remember how good it feels. If only I knew at what or at whom to be angry. But, for once, I'm actually trying to do something about it.

I asked my mom to write a letter to the school about this ridiculous schedule (and I asked her to mention 7:40 AM). Who the hell puts finals two weeks after winter break? I mean, someone must have sat there and "thought it through," right? I could hurt this person. Not only do they want to completely screw up our winter break, but our finals, too.

As it stands, I have three projects and three tests (two of which are finals) the week I get back. And then I have only two tests finals week.

When (if) I become a teacher, if I assign homework over winter break that's due during "Dead Week," you have permission to shoot me.

Ranting over.

school's pretty awful, as I'm sure you all know.



it's sad when school is the first thing mentioned. it should be at the bottom of my list.


oh well. Binky the Cat is adorable, of course, as is Shannon the Girl.

If I had something creative and artsy to say, I'd say it, if it didn't surpass my writing abilities.

WWWWOOOORRRRDDDD VVVVOOOOMMMMIIIITTT Alia tells me. why can't I just write about things like I used to? creativity left with adolescence, I suppose. and sanity.

but then, was I sane before? nope-ahhhhhhhh.

Coldplay, Everything’s Not Lost (Parachutes)

This is not exactly a theme song in that it does not represent the current me at all; rather, it represents my goal for the person I want to be. Sorry if that’s not what you wanted. I always like songs that build up, and this is one of them. It starts out immediately with “When I counted up my demons / Saw there was one for every day / With the good ones on my shoulders / I drove the other ones away,” which is one of the choruses. I often look at the demons on my shoulders, I see there are a lot, but I often forget to recognize the good ones (if they exist), and realize that everything’s not lost. Really, I change this a little for myself and think of what could be going wrong, but isn’t. It’s very difficult for me to do this, though, so I would say this is a theme song for whom I want to be. But whatever, close enough. “And everybody’s out to get you / Don’t let it drag you down.” I frequently feel that I exist solely for the object of my teachers’ need to give busy work, so I feel that they’re all out to get me. The worst part is that I always let it get to me. Even when I know it’s busy work and I should be defiant and do it badly, my perfectionism always saves the grade, but not my happiness or comfort. If I learned to not let it drag me down I’m sure I would be much happier. One of the last lines is “But life is for living we all know / And I don’t want to live it alone.” Another thing on which I have to work is enjoying the time that I do have free; I must live life when (FINALLY) given the opportunity. When I finally have free time, I tend to spend it alone catching up on books, movies, and games, when I should be playing with my sister or some such thing. Just to clarify, this is certainly not my favorite Coldplay song, it’s just the only one that applied to me.

Santana, Wishing It Was (Supernatural)

I know Jamie Lincoff used this song for the Sam Spade Mix Tape, but I still feel like it connects to me. Unlike the first one, I can say that I actually enjoy this song. “Good times can put me in fear / I always feel safe when things are bad.” Sometimes I feel like a real jerk because, for some unknown reason, I don’t have as much fun with other people as I used to. I often know that I’m having the least fun in the room; I think they can tell, too. Perhaps it’s just being a teenager, but I’ve pulled into myself so much that I actually prefer night over day and being alone over social. I’m not emo or anything, at least not to the extreme, I just feel…weird. “It seems that I thrive on the dark side of things.” Exactly. I can’t do homework in the daytime at all, I almost always go home, feel exhausted, pass out, and do my homework after dinner. It’s good in that I’m awake when I do my homework, bad in that I feel groggy for hours, and bad in that I never talk to anybody. “It’s so strange to watch my life walk by / Wishing it was / Wishing it was more like a fantasy / Where everything surprises me.” I frequently feel like an ungrateful brat because I know that when I grow up I’ll look back on these days and wish I were (was…) here again. But I just find it so hard to enjoy it what with school and homework and things to do. I know this is a whiny post; you can tell I’m in a foul mood, I bet. Also, like my 6-word autobiography said, I always wish I were somewhere I’m not. I guess the adjective is inert; I can never go to sleep when I have to, I can never wake up when I have to. It’s just a sad cycle.

Bob Marley, Wake Up and Live (Survival)

I wonder how many English students get to analyze Bob Marley’s songs twice in one year. ONE! at least. Let me just say I really like the trumpets and the sax in this song. I may have been an awful musician myself, but at least I now appreciate it all more. Again, like the first one, this is more about ideas with which I connect, plus a goal that I would like to achieve, than who I am right now (I just couldn’t find many songs that describe indescribable me…). I think many people need to be told to wake up and live, especially people like me. I’m afraid this relates heavily to the last song, but it’s too late for me to care. “Life is one big road with lots of signs, / So when you riding through the ruts, don’t you complicate your mind.” I’m not sure whether those lines go completely together, because they’re hard to interpret. I’m always bothered by how much info gets thrown at us in one day alone, so I get the signs thing. Perhaps he’s saying that even when you feel extremely pressured, you have to stay in tune with yourself especially. Don’t let life confuse you, you know what you gotta do. I know I have to do these things, but I still don’t. “Rise from your sleepless slumber” is my favorite line, that’s exactly how I feel all the time. He then goes on to warn listeners from cocaine, I believe, though I’m not sure: “You see, one – one cocoa full a basket / When they use you live big today: tomorrow you buried in a casket.” Anyone know what that is? If it does have something to do with cocaine, I can assure you that has nothing to do with why I picked it…

*The first thing that came to mind was:*

Procrastinate on homework now. Sleep someday.
and
Perfectionist procrastinator, takes hours writing autobiography.

*But then I realized this was probably not unique among my peers, so I decided on:*

Wishing he were where he isn’t.

*Sorry this is so long, didn't know before I wrote it*

Yeah, well, here I am. And here are you. Exciting…

Um, where shall we start?

I like girls, I think they’re pretty hot. I don’t really care what she looks like, I mean, you know, I’ll take what I can get. Seeing as nobody ever really sees me except the ugly people, I’ll just have to say that that’s who I want. Unless you’re a really nice attractive person. But I suspect only ugly people will have read this far. Actually, I doubt anyone’s read this far. Yeah, that’s basically like the story of my life.

If you haven’t guessed already, I only wrote this cause my mom started calling me Eeyore and she wants me out of the house. I looked up this formula for single’s ads and it says to sound cheerful, start with a description of yourself, then continue with description of desired person. Well, I’m obviously not following the rules. Hey, I’m rebellious. Finally a redeeming quality. If you like to bring people beers and meals, then I’m your guy. If you like football, then I’m really your guy. Especially if you like the first one even more.

Um, my interests… Well, I enjoy watching football, eating potato chips and onion dip with beer, sleeping, and you know, the thing I can’t talk about. The formula says not to mention the three-letter word, but hey, it’s one of my favorite things to do. My last girlfriend said I wasn’t very “responsive,” whatever the hell that means. Oh, the formula also says not to mention past girlfriends, but I’m sure you don’t mind. I mean, if you’re still reading, you must be a pretty accepting person.

I also enjoy watching movies, so I would prefer it if my girlfriend wasn’t one of those people who just want to cuddle and talk through the whole thing. Word says to change “wasn’t” to “weren’t” in that last sentence. What the fuck? OK, I might not be the sharpest tool in the shed, but that’s ridiculous. Oh yeah, and I have a high school education, which might not sound too good, but I think college is for wusses. Too much writing, you know? Speaking of too much writing, I think I’m gonna stop. I don’t expect I’ll get any response, but I might as well try. Thanks for reading or whatever.

I won’t even bother leaving my contact number or my age. This was hopeless.

Dear Thomas Poole the 2nd Grader,

I don’t want to say much, for fear of waking up tomorrow a different person. Whatever this letter tells you, ignore it! If you drastically change the course of things, you might end up…somewhere else. However, I think it will be interesting for you to read this, so long as you try to forget it afterwards. Ugh, afterward. There’s the first thing, Thomas: don’t listen to Dad! Just because he’s English doesn’t mean he’s right. Start saying forward, backward, toward, etc, NOT forwards, backwards, or towards! Also, it’s pronounced al-bine-oh, not al-bean-oh, this will save you a lot of embarrassment and confusion later on, when you start doing improv (ask Mom what that is, and say thank you!).

I know it sucked to have your parents get divorced AND move to a different school in the same year, but, believe me, both of those things are good in the long run! I’m sorry to say that you will be moving 5 more times in the next 8 years, but almost all of your houses are good, and you don’t move too far. The best thing is, at one point both of your houses will be within 10 blocks! Doesn’t that sound worlds better than a few cities away (yes, I’m afraid that’s gonna happen too, but it’s not all that bad)? Moving to Marin Elementary School was awesome! Be happy! And try to make a few more friends than you’re used to, it helps a lot. You’re 3rd and 5th grade teachers are even better than the one you have now (which is pretty amazing, no?). Your 4th grade teacher, well, she’s a different story, have fun with her… Also, enjoy the amount of homework you have before it begins to increase exponentially (you’ll learn what that means eventually).

Try to be nicer to people, or else you’ll spend the rest of your life being guilty and ashamed of yourself. Take your energy out through handball, not through yelling at people. Just know that in about 5 years you’ll undergo a dramatic change and you’ll experience a strange personality flip. Though it will be pretty good overall, it’ll confuse a lot of people and lose you a few friends. Don’t be worried that you won’t seem to care for friends as much as everyone else; that will come in high school. It’s OK to be independent, so long as you’re still nice to everyone.

Don’t get a piñata for your next birthday.

Enjoy your trips to England! You only see them once a year, if at all, and despite the fact they’re some of the strangest people you’ve ever met, they’re still your family! Speaking of family, in a few years your mom will make a big choice. Whatever that choice is, make sure you support her! Even if it doesn’t work the first time, well, the second time’s the charm… Hint: you’ll become what you’ve always wished for. Oh, and try to learn all the grammar rules so your 10th grade English teacher won’t call you a savage.

Next year you will have an awesome teacher, one of the best. She will make you put on a play that you’ve heard of. Remember, one day before lunch, when you’re kind of alone with her, make sure and tell her that your favorite character is Bottom (which it is, right?). This will be the beginning of a very enjoyable but time-consuming hobby that will give you a lot to be proud of. Also, you know that thing you just started at Albany YMCA? Stick with it! If there’s one thing you remember, remember this! If you ever feel like you don’t belong in that class, shut yourself up! Look at those brown-belts, see how old they are? Hey, look at David and Stacy, don’t those black-belts look nice? I know you’re not there because that’s your goal, but…

Stick with music for as long as you can. Mr. Slous can get annoying at times, but he likes you in the end so take the opportunity. Also, when Dad offers to buy you a new instrument, just think about whether or not you’ll be able to use it. Do you really need it, or do you just want it?

Lastly, and most importantly, try to realize that comparing oneself to others is the first step on the way toward perfectionism, which leads to procrastination. Sorry they’re such big words, but they’re important. Try getting a bad grade once and see what it’s like. Realize it’s not that bad. Know that being yourself is good enough, but try and avoid cheesy and clichéd phrases. Whenever you have a hard teacher, know that you’ll leave the class feeling like you’ve actually done something. Oh, and one more thing, take note of this. DO NOT take Chemistry your sophomore year. I don’t know what else you could take, but anything’s better than that 1/3rd chance you’ll get Ms. **********.

With much love,
10th grade Thomas Poole (Boy)

******* ****** is very annoying. I’m writing this because he asked me to, not because I’m a complete jerk. I was reciting a poem the other day for French, and he decided to distract me and make funny gestures while I was reciting. It was OK though, because I just looked at the floor and out the window (and the teacher, as we all know, is kind of strange, so it wouldn’t have mattered if I had cracked up). He talks too much and distracts me, but I suppose it makes the class more interesting…?

Quizlet is awesome, but it can get slightly annoying. The same word coming up three times even if I know I got it right or wrong. When people change things that shouldn’t be changed. When people make sets just for themselves so there aren’t any articles so newcomers can’t use the sets without having to edit them. When they don’t allow everyone to edit. When it decides to freeze up when I most need it. When everyone makes the same exact set but the differences between them make everyone confused. When people complain that there are too many words when they don’t have to be there in the first place and then when they whine in class about how this word was wrong and it’s all the maker’s fault because they didn’t catch it. When there are so many words to memorize that you just lose motivation completely. All these things are outweighed by the power of being able to say tablecloth and unemployment in French.

Right now I’m writing this when I have a history project to do. Why? Because it’s more fun. So, I’m procrastinating by doing other work, which I find very sad. Why is that I stay up ‘til 2 am when I could have finished all my homework by 8? And why is it that I’m always tired on weeknights by 6 pm, while on the weekends I’m never tired at all? That’s more than ironic; that’s plain cruel.

I just saw the third pirates movie and it wasn’t all that bad. I was surprised because I have heard numerous awful reviews, from it being too long to too boring to too stupid. But I say that we should think of the glass as half full and compare it to all the other awful Disney movies. I personally was entertained the entire time, unlike the second one, and I didn’t get too bothered by Knightly or Bloom; they didn’t seem as annoying as usual. And Johnny Depp, well, I thought this was his best. I bet after however many years of imitating Keith Richards you could get pretty good at it. Of course, the movie doesn’t hold a candle to films like LoTR, but that’s just not fair. And it wasn’t as good as the first one, which is understandable. I guess I just felt defensive of this movie because of all the bad reviews.

I hate it when teachers give busy work, but I especially hate it when they tell us they will never give us busy work and then give us busy work. They’ve obviously heard of the term, so they obviously have some idea of what it is, so they should restrain themselves when they at least suspect that something might be just a little bit pointless. What do teachers think about school when they’re at home, I wonder? Do they only think about the end of the year coming and that they still have to teach, or do they think about what tricksy questions to put on the next test, or about how nice it would be for their students to do some coloring instead of writing? Or do they ever think that perhaps giving less homework will motivate us more to do it when it actually serves a purpose? Of course not.

I disagree with tests. Fortunately, I am a good test-taker, for whatever reason, but I still think they’re unfair. I loved my math teacher last year except for the fact that all her tests and quizzes were PACKED with little tricks, things that a nervous person would easily miss. And because so much seems to hang on this stupid little test or quiz, who isn’t nervous? What it comes down to is confidence, not intelligence or studiousness. Confidence gives you cleverness even in the face of nervousness, and since cleverness is what you need, you gotta have confidence. But I find that on the days I feel optimistic and confident about a test, I usually don’t get an A. If a friend of mine tells me a test is easy (which of course never happens, because I never cheat), I usually have a few panic moments during it, which of course brings my confidence down. And when I’m less confident, I usually find the test to be easier than expected. So where should the line be drawn between being so scared you have no confidence, being scared enough so it’s better than you thought, or being confident enough that you’ll do fine, or being so confident that it’s worse than you expected. Damn tests.

It’s hot this weekend and I’m actually enjoying it. Knock on wood. Usually I hate hot weather, but perhaps the mildness of it added to the months of cool weather are actually making it OK. It’s not that I hate heat, it’s just that I hate what comes with it: sweat, insomnia, and inability to focus. Oh, and it also makes me hate houses without any insulation. Which, of course, includes one of my houses, making home not such a pleasant place to be. Despite all this, I’m having a good weekend, and just needed something about which to complain.

One of my friends hates the word random. Another is terrified of buses and large vans. Another can’t stand seeing wrists, especially the underside. Another is simply scared of everything. Where do these phobias come from? Ugh. From where do these phobias come? My favorite of them all is the fear of long words: hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobia. Fortunately I do not have a friend with this, or else I’m sure I would always feel guilty about my extensive vocabulary. Do they come from a simple comment when they were young about how buses were more deadly than cars, how if you look closely the veins and bones in one’s wrist look like little snakes straining to get out, or that there’s such a thing as a spelling bee? Or that everything in the world is out to get you? The only one I have is fear of heights, unless I’m secure in a roller coaster, then I’m more than happy to be there.

I love margaritas. No more to say. Well, actually, I do remember something to say. Once when we were camping my parents made margaritas for everyone and I accidentally took one with tequila. I immediately noticed the difference, and I didn’t like it, so I gave it back and figured it out. The next night, they made some more and asked me if I wanted one. I yelled, “Yes please. But NOT WITH TEQUILA THIS TIME!!!” Of course, there were other people in the campsite. I’m glad we didn’t get arrested.

Procrastination is the thief of everything, not just time. Mostly, it is the thief of my weekend. I like to think that my weekends are eaten up by homework, but I know deep down they’re not. On Friday night I tell myself to have some fun. You have the right to have at least 7% of your life be free, right? This makes me feel sad about the other 93%, and maybe if I got to work now and just got it over with it would all be OK. The idea of freedom of the night prevails but I spend it the whole time thinking of the homework I COULD be doing. Saturday is the same except now it’s SHOULD be doing. Sunday is that awful time between Saturday and Monday (it’s actually not as bad as Mondays but it passes much more slowly) when I actually do the work. I find these little breaks in between like looking up the weather for the week, going downstairs to the kitchen to scavenge, going on Facebook, checking my email, going on iTunes, staring out the window, closing my eyes for just a second, thinking about doing my homework, thinking about what I could be doing, thinking about Monday, thinking about my all-nighter, thinking about how awful I am at just working, thinking about how great the weekend was, thinking about the stuff I know I will eventually do by tomorrow. If there is one goal I have at the end of high school, it is to learn that procrastination helps nothing.

Before I begin, let me just say that I love LOST. I don’t honestly know why I watch it, because I certainly don’t have the time. Maybe it’s because sometimes I wish I were on the island, perhaps it’s because I feel like I’m on an island too and I want to leave it just as much as them, perhaps it’s because I’ve watched all 3.5 seasons, perhaps it’s because I’m nerdy, or perhaps it's just because I’m plain stupid. I don’t know.

LOST is about, in a nutshell, the survival of roughly 72 people crashed on a desert island off a plane from Sydney to Los Angeles. That’s it. At least, at first that’s it. Things change, and drastically, but I won’t go into them, so I don’t spoil. But immediately you know something’s up from the start, because the world as it is now would never let a plane of over 300 people just go missing somewhere in the middle of the Pacific. How could there possibly still be an uncharted island this big? These kinds of mysteries are what keeps LOST alive. That and its characters, but I’ll get to them later. These mysteries are very rarely answered, which makes some people think the producers don’t know where they’re going with the show, which could be true. These mysteries make for great conversations; if you find someone else who watches LOST, even if you don’t know them too well, you will always have a lot to talk about. “So, who do you think are the Oceanic Six, do you think that includes the baby? And do you think that really is Claire’s baby, or did Kate just name her kid after Aaron? Who do you think are the good guys, Ben, or the “rescuers?” What do you think Sayid is doing, and is he not one of the Oceanic Six? How did he get off the island? And what’s the deal with Desmond? etc etc” I just typed those off the top of my head; there are way more.

My favorite part about LOST is the characters and their flashforwards and flashbacks. Yes, they are all, in some way, stereotypes or generalizations. But you must admit that they’re interesting, right? Here’s a rundown of the main characters from Season 1 (yes, they change...):

Michael and Walt – African-American united son and father, have never met before, Michael is taking son home from Australia because Walt’s mother just died.
Claire – Pregnant Australian who wants to give up the baby to an American family but is told by a seer that she must, MUST, keep the baby. Ironically, she has to on the island…
Sun – Korean woman who has to deal with her overbearing husband, Jin. Secretly had an affair off the island and secretly speaks English.
Charlie – Englishman who used to be in a semi-famous band before it broke up. Addicted to drugs.
Jack – One of the main characters, the first one we meet. Surgeon who’s had a hard time with his father.
Kate – seemingly nice woman who turns out to be a criminal who was being escorted in cuffs back to America.
Sawyer – The tough guy that was a con man, lots of snide remarks and rude nicknames.
Sayid – Arab who fought in the Gulf War, used to be a torturer, seems to be the sanest of them all
Shannon and Boone – Brother and sister, both rather whiny and stupid
Hurley – rather large Hispanic man who won the lottery but ever since has been plagued with bad luck and the numbers 4 8 15 16 23 42 (which come back later in the plot).
Jin – Sun’s husband, seemingly a very protective and rude person, but we know differently later on.
Locke – My favorite character. He originally was in a wheelchair, but the island seems to have miraculously fixed his paralysis. The only person that seems happy to be on the island, he is by far the most mysterious.

The only reason I did this was because I think the characters are the reason I watch it. All these people thrown together and forced to interact are really interesting to me. Plus, the flashbacks they give often really develop the character, and show how they came to be there and came to be who they are and why they chose to do this instead of this. (In Season 4 they start showing flashforwards as well, which are even cooler…) Also I think I like the flachbacks because in every episode there are at least three stories going on at once: two on the island and one in the past concerning one character or pair of characters. This keeps you thinking and wondering all the time.

Though I do enjoy watching it, recently, things have been popping up. Things that must be mentioned. Does this show really know where it’s going? Apparently it does, because they say the show will end after its sixth season in 2010, but it just keeps getting weirder and weirder and more and more confusing. I won’t go into the details, they would be serious spoilers, but just know that you must prepare to be confused and mystified throughout. Fortunately for me, I LOVE to be confused about things other than school, because it makes me think. Also, you can only watch LOST if you have the ability to actually take things seriously once and awhile. I know people who just laugh at everything and anything, which is fine (I kinda wish I could do that), but not for shows like this. Sometimes it is hard, but you only like it if you just accept the plot holes and let them pass. Unfortunately for them, this loses them a lot of viewers. Another problem I have is that the show can be at times so unrealistic it hurts. The women stay thin and beautiful the entire time; the men stay stubbled or clean-shaven and handsome the entire time (save a few, I guess). In other words, LOST can be Hollywood on an island. But, for me, its characters and crazy plotline make up for it.

Do I recommend this TV show? No, I do not. Unless you're willing to get Netflix and watch all of seasons 1-3, or watch them online. But starting from season 4 would be just absolute hell. If you're someone who hates to be confused, can't take much seriously, or simply not good at following many plotlines at once, I wouldn't watch it. However, if you are interested, here's an overly-long trailer that I kinda like. It's from season 3, but it doesn't reveal much. It makes LOST look dramatic and stuff, but it can actually be really funny and human. Also, from the linked shows that appear at the bottom, the one from Mad TV is really funny, if you want to see how people make fun of LOST. It's really quite accurate.

For the first time in my life, I wake up and feel awake, and I don’t lie in bed for two hours in the dream world. I jump out of bed enthusiastically, smile because I’ve decided not to go to school and I don’t have to deal with Ms. ********* (yes, this is the same person as the one mentioned in an earlier post), and hop in the shower. The water stays warm the entire time, never getting cold or hot. I get dressed, realize I slept twelve beautiful hours, and go to the kitchen to find a delicious breakfast of eggs Benedict (with homemade Hollandaise), bacon (nitrate/nitrite free, so I’m not too guilty), toast (whole wheat, lightly buttered), and English Breakfast tea (with milk and brown sugar). I guess I’m pretty picky on my day off. I eat with my sister in the sunny breakfast nook, and she gets egg all over her face and sauce all down her shirt. My mom understands that I need a day off, gives me some money, and I leave. I don’t take Shannon, because she’s a brat and would only be cute for about 10 minutes, if that.

Having counterfeited a Driver’s License, I drive to Great America (with some kind of berry Jamba Juice to keep me company) and ride on Top Gun and Drop Zone a few times, maybe Grizzly. I already bought a Season Pass, and miraculously it’s open on a school day, but I’m not the only one there. Next, I drive up to San Francisco with an iced mocha from Peet’s. It’s a clear day but the fog is just starting to creep in over the coastal hills toward the city. I go to House of Nanking, the best Chinese place to which I’ve ever been, for lunch (I can’t say what I would get because he always chooses for you). Next, I go to the top of the Transamerica building, where there’s probably one office, right? Wouldn’t that be awesome to work there?

Then I go across the Golden Gate Bridge (north, so I don’t have to pay), park my car on the other side, and walk back. But I’m no ordinary pedestrian. If Ferris Bueller sang in a parade float, I can walk up the cables of the Golden Gate Bridge (strangely similar to George of the Jungle…? hey, it’s a different bridge) I’m going to be big news, but, that’s OK, I think it’s worth it. I can now say that I’ve been to the top of one of the most famous bridges in the world. I think how grateful I am that I miraculously lost my fear of heights, and casually walk back down to my car while everyone down below ogles. I then drive on to Pantoll on Mt. Tam, and start walking on the Matt Davis Trail. This is a three and a half mile walk downhill, but I never get bored, especially since I almost never go anymore. I can’t describe why I like it so much. Maybe it’s just because there’s a real destination that you’re always working toward (Stinson beach), or maybe it’s because I’ve walked it for most of my life. I always feel like I’ve been there before, but every time it’s different. After relaxing a bit at Table Rock, this rest-place about four-fifths of the way down the trail, I finally come out at Stinson beach. It’s about 4 o’clock by now, and it’s just starting to get colder from the fog coming in. Once I get to the bottom I get a chocolate shake at the burger place and head for the beach.

I don’t know how many other people have discovered them, but when I was little I found these little hollows away from the water at Stinson Beach, in the tall reed-like things before you get to the sand. They were really only big enough for kids, so I felt really cool and alone there while everyone outside was baking in the sun. Now, I take a look inside to see how it’s doing before going out and chilling on the beach for a bit. After I’ve got my fill of the sun and wind combo, I dip one toe in the water so I can say I went to the beach. I would go in, but it’s Northern California so that would be unwise. I then take the bus back up to Pantoll Trailhead and drive back home. On the way I defy the new rule about not using cell phones in cars and order a deep dish from Zachary’s. I pick it up once I get to Albany and head home. I eat a few slices, sharing some with Shannon, of course, and hide the rest in the fridge for later.

The last thing I do is rip up all my homework and throw it in the fireplace. This is to add a final flair to my day off. The end.


Hm, I just realized we didn’t have to stay in our own area for our day off like Ferris Bueller. Oh well, my day doesn’t seem too bad. If I really could be in any city or whatever, it would have to be Paris or some such place. But I’m not rewriting this. After all, it is my day off…

The first time I saw this painting, I was on the other side of the room and I thought it was a photo--my eye was drawn to the lamppost. The second time, up close, I realized that it was most certainly not a photo when I looked up at the sky. The contrast was great but somehow didn’t stand out too much, which made me like it. Anything that makes you confused is worth your time, in my opinion.

Apart from the light/dark contrast, the lower half of the painting is mostly all sharp corners and shadows, contrasting with the light fluffy movement above. The only movement from below is from the pond/lake, which doesn’t really seem to have any life. I find it interesting how Magritte swaps around more than just light in this painting. Usually, when one thinks of light as opposed to dark, one thinks of clarity as opposed to obscurity. Darkness makes things harder to see. In this case however, the darkness seems very clear, and the only light on the bottom half, from the lamp, seems kind of strange and distorted. The light from above is not very definite and uses clouds to show its obscurity. I think Magritte was trying to upset the norm in this way and others. Also I think it’s interesting how usually we see pictures of either mostly land or mostly sky, but in this case it’s 50:50.

The contrast between light and dark may also be some sort of symbol for humanity. Though I usually feel that art doesn’t always have to be analyzed or have a meaning, I think this one does. We are still down here, in the dark, where everything seems most clear to us. The little we do know (the movement and light) is just a reflection of ourselves (the pond and lamplight), not truth. Truth is still far above us, something about which we talk and ponder, but still something far away. The more pessimistic view on this could be that us humans, stranded here on Earth, are left to ruin it while the outside world (space) is left untouched. Like we’re a tiny little experiment gone wrong in the corner of a huge science lab. Ooh, I actually really like that… I don’t care if I’m the only one that thinks this way, it sounds really spooky and humiliating, you know? And we are supposed to have our own interpretation, no?

So, according to my awesome simile, the house symbolizes our influence on the planet/nature, the lamplight and the pond symbolize our attempts at finding the meaning of life, and the sky symbolizes the meaning of life, which we will never find. I also think it’s interesting how there’s no door visible into the house (Yes, it could be the back of the house, but for the sake of analysis, just shut up). It may symbolize how we have penned ourselves up in what we think is true, the house. When one happens to venture outdoors, one is still in the dark. Only when this person grows wings may they get anywhere close to the sky.

Overall, when I look at it as a whole I feel comforted. But when I look just at the house it turns depressing, which is interesting. The fact that the lamplight seems to die out and not affect much of the house is strange, and, even if realistic, is worth mentioning. I don’t think an artist has to have an intent or message through their piece of art, but, in case it’s important, I’ll say that he wanted us to be more aware that we are a small part of the universe, and what we think is concrete and real is nowhere close to the real picture.

Because I haven’t really experienced life yet, this is a really hard question and I’m probably going to answer it incorrectly. So the ideal life I have right now is probably very different from the ideal life of future me.

I would be living in Greece, not anywhere near Athens because of the pollution, preferably Corfu because it’s especially beautiful and near Italy. I would have a bungalow that wouldn’t be too isolated but it wouldn’t be in the city. The reason I want to live in Greece is simply that the food, scenery, and people are all good. However, when I’m older, my ideal life would probably be in a big city. Right now, though, I guess I feel like taking a break from stress…? I have always wanted kids, preferably a girl and a boy, with the girl being older (my hand says that I’m going to have two boys and a girl…oh well). But, the problem is, I don’t really think I’m going to want to be married; it seems like a lot of trouble. But I don’t want to be a single dad either. Hm, this presents a dilemma. If I had to have a wife, she would be very intelligent and willing to travel with me. Other than that (like her personality), I have no clue. This makes it sound like I wouldn't settle for anything else, but of course I would. Maybe it'd be nice if she had a job that actually made some money. I feel like the job I would pick out is pretty poorly paid.

I would like a job that isn’t a desk job. I seem to like languages a lot, so I think I’d be happy as a linguist (I’m not sure what they do…just be translators?). If that doesn’t work and I can’t seem to learn any more languages, my job of choice would be teaching. I would teach anyone except middle and high schoolers, because they’re all nuts, right, Mr. Ross? The subject would be either a language or a social science of some sort like anthropology or sociology. However, if I were teaching young kids it would obviously be different. This means that I would have to learn Greek, which sounds like fun, maybe I could teach English and French to Greek kids? That sounds like so much fun. I want to teach because, first of all, I think I’d be good at it, and secondly, because it’s such a rewarding job. They seem to work a bit too hard for my taste, though, so maybe I’ll be one of those awesome teachers that doesn’t give too much homework but still has you learn the stuff.

Whatever I do, one dream I have is to travel as much as possible. I love being cultured, at least more so than most Americans, but I will probably never be as cultured as most Europeans. This conflicts with my desire to have kids; maybe I would do it before I had kids. I especially want to go to Africa, because all the stories I’ve heard have made me want to go there. I wouldn’t want to live there though, because of the heat and all the problems they’re having. But I would LOVE to see the pyramids, maybe see the Valley of Kings, etc. I’m going off on a tangent, but basically I want to see all the wonders of the world (perhaps excluding the Poles?).

My bungalow would have a porch with a view of the ocean and maybe hills in the distance on either side, as well as the town by the beach down below. I would have a garden in the back and a walk up from the dirt road. I would not own a car. I’ve never really had any experience with pets, but as of right now I would like a cat that minds his own business but is still friendly to me. Vacations would mostly be to Italy, because I know there’s a ferry you can take from Corfu to Brindisi (where my parents met) on the heel of Italy. From there I could use Europe’s awesome train services to go anywhere I want in Europe. I bet by then fuel will be nonexistent and the trains will be all electric, so it’ll be fun and easy to get anywhere. My dad says he’s going to move back home to London when I go to college, so I can see him there. My mom and sister would be the hard part. My mom has always said she’ll move wherever I go, but I doubt that. If I could somehow find the money, I would go over to California frequently to see my family.

I realized I forgot to mention college and how I would get here. I would just like to go to a liberal arts college that doesn’t force you to take too much science, and preferably one that allows going abroad for a year. In college I’ll probably start learning another language (either Mandarin or Greek) and I’ll go from there. Sorry this meandered a lot; it’s kind of a hard subject if you know what I mean. Though my ideal life is probably going to change, the one thing I really want is when I’m getting old (or at least before my death *knock on wood*), I would like to be able to look back on my life and be happy with what I see. (yes, I know that is what everyone else wants too, but i had to bring some sort of closure to this mess)

There’s no way in hell I can write “specific details” about what I wore in the beginning of 2nd grade. I’m not that kind of person. Not only do I have the worst long-term memory of anyone my age I’ve ever met, but I also couldn’t really care less about fashion. I never have, hopefully never will. Anyway, I’ll attempt this for the grade, not because it’ll entertain anyone.

All the pictures I’ve seen of myself from preschool make me want to cuddle that cute little boy. But I honestly can’t remember anything I wore. Neither can my parents, which I guess is kind of scary. They’ve never really been any good at taking pictures or writing things down for me to read when I was older.

Never mind, after I tortured them a bit they came out with the fact that I used to insist upon wearing a “tartan” outfit everyday when I was a baby. Tartan means plaid, I believe. Well, fortunately, I grew out of that obsession. Also, I apparently refused to wear hats, which I continue to refuse to this day. They simply don’t feel comfortable; they feel restricting and always make my head feel big. Hoods are an exception. I swear by hoods. You know, in England, you aren’t allowed into a mall if you’re wearing a jacket with a hood on it? I discovered that last summer the hard way… I guess it’s become the new “gang” thing that they all wear over there…? Sorry for that pointless fact, moving on.

As a toddler I did the same thing Shannon does now: I chose everything myself. Shannon sometimes wears (this is a real outfit) a turquoise dress over a purple t-shirt with white tights, pink gloves, and brown shoes with pink stripes. It’s really cute, and I’m glad she has some individual fashion and not just jeans all the time (like me). I’m not sure specifically what I used to pick out, but I’m sure it was pretty funny.

Worthy of honorable mention: my Darth Vader costume. I believe I wore it for Halloween four years in a row. It was getting a bit small by the end, of course. I would also have my light saber, which was not red but white. And as a toddler I wore a Big Bird costume, which Shannon refused to wear last Halloween (she was Elmo instead…). But I digress.

In preschool and early elementary school I wore mostly easy stuff like sweats and things (this may just be a gap in my parent’s memories). I then moved on to shorts, t-shirts, and over-shirts, for which I have my dad to thank. He often wore button-down shirts over t-shirts, usually Hawaiian or something. They were soon (whether affectionately or not, I’m not sure) called “Thomas-shirts.” I guess I eventually realized I was the only one wearing these and in middle school I changed to just wearing T-shirts and shorts/jeans.

Slowly my T-shirt collection began to grow, mostly in different bright colors. I enjoyed this, but I frequently found out that no one else did. At the end of the year in 6th grade, we all wrote a little note to everyone in the classroom saying what we liked most about them. About ten of the thirty of them said something about my T-shirts, usually that they were “interesting.” This was enough to make a preteen go out and buy the kind of clothes (s)he thinks is acceptable, which I did. They slowly all became black, though I have no idea how. I guess it was all the black band and play T-shirts…? Well, from 7th to 9th grades all I wore were T-shirts, mostly black, with jeans and sometimes shorts. Though I’m sure you’re all just fascinated, I think I’ll move on now.

For 10th grade, I tried to change it up a bit and get some more solid colored T-shirts, plus some long-sleeved shirts. Now, almost all my shirts are either green, black/gray, or brown. Though these are my favorite colors, I recently was told that I should change it up a bit, with which I agree (that sounds awful), but don’t know how to do without everybody saying that my shirts are “interesting.” Any recommendations are welcome.

I realized I forgot to talk about sweatshirts, shoes and haircuts. Isn’t this exciting? I used to own a total of two jackets: a grey sweatshirt and a blue sweatshirt. I used to alternate between the two, washing them every week or so. I now realize how stupid that was, but haven’t really done anything about it. However, I do now own FIVE sweatshirts, all different colors. I just can’t seem to find any good jackets other than sweatshirts around. Shoes haven’t ever really changed for me. I always just have one pair of sneakers plus two pairs of nicer shoes that I almost never wear. I try to get the most boring shoes so they can “go” with everything and not draw too much bad attention…I hope. I recently heard that most guys own about 3 pairs of shoes; if that’s the case, then I’m far behind, but I don’t really care.

Haircuts…if you read my FEAR post, you’ll know I don’t really like haircuts, for whatever reason. Well, I used to have blond highlights, because I used to swim everyday in the summer. But my hair was in the same style as it is now. People have always made fun of my cowlick up in front and back that I’ve never been able to fix. It’s gone down a lot now but it was very annoying. In middle school I let it get way too long, and I’m still not too sure why. It wasn’t because it was fashionable, cause it wasn’t. If I had really thin hair then it would be ok, but my hair is too thick and straight, making it go right into my eyes when it grows out. I’ve always had bangs, which I’ve grown to hate, but I guess that’s just the way my hair grows. It takes too much maintenance, and makes me look like a wannabe surfer-dude.

Sorry I had so much to say, I didn’t know I would have anything to say at all. Oh well, I’m not fixing it.

1. Do you believe in karma?


I used to believe in karma, because my mom told me about it (I think as a joke) when I was pretty young. But then I realized that if that were true, then humans would be eliminated completely. Cause we’ve hurt Earth much more than anything else ever has, so we deserve death like millions of times over. Not all of us perhaps, but a lot of us. (Of course, maybe this is yet to come. *in honor of my favorite teacher: DUN DUN DUNNNNN*) Isn’t karma a Buddhist idea? I like Buddhism, it is by far the best religion, but I’ll have to disagree with it here.

2. What one current event in any aspect of world news do you think is being most neglected or underrepresented?


I’m gonna say (after some long hard thought) that Britney Spears needs some more attention. Surely the whole world cares about her every move. Actually, I think the AIDS problem in Africa is a little but more important. Along with the starvation and poverty problem. Maybe those are just things that I want fixed; I’m not sure how they should make it better represented… I think the reason we should pay more attention to it is because it is a fixable problem, I think.

3. If you could have any one superpower, what would it be and why?


It’s probably cheating, but I would like to be a shape-shifter. I expect plenty of people would choose this, but I’ll just be a sheep/lemming and do the same. First of all, who doesn’t want to be able to fly? If I could be an eagle or bee, that would be nice. And I’ve always wanted to see what it’s like at the bottom of the ocean, so if I could be that creature with the light hanging in front of its eyes (you know, the one from Finding Nemo?) that would be nice. I’d like to be a space shuttle and a planet, or a tapeworm so I could see the anatomy of the human body, or a dino-flagellate so I could scare a certain somebody and be really small (and don’t they look like helicopters?). I’d also like to be a blue whale, koala, Siberian tiger, kangaroo, snake, Komodo dragon, and chimpanzee. The only problem is, if I had this power too long I might go nuts with power, like being able to go anywhere I want in the universe and do whatever I want. Maybe I’d only want it for a day or something…

4. If you could invite any 5 famous people or characters to your birthday party, who would you pick?


That’s a hard one. The first person would be either Dumbledore, Snape, or He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named because they’re all by far the best characters in the HP books. #2 would be either King Henry VIII or Queen Elizabeth I because they’re awesome and I want to shake their hands. Third would be either Chewbacca, Darth Vader, or R2-D2 because they used to be my favorite people in the world. Fourth would be either Jesus Christ, Mahatma Gandhi, or Martin Luther King, Jr. because I think they’re very interesting people and I would like to talk to them. Also I would like to see what sort of conversation would happen between, say, Chewbacca and Gandhi, or Snape and Jesus. And last, but certainly not least, would be Bernadette because she would be hilarious. If you’ve never met Bernadette, you should.

5. If you could live in any film or book, what would you select? Would you want to be one of the characters, or would you want to be you (introduced as a new character)?


Definitely the Harry Potter books. That’s funny, I talked about that in he last one, too. I love them, and though they’re certainly not really well-written, I think her idea and the world she created was simply amazing. I’m not a huge fan, but I often find myself wishing I could be at Hogwarts learning how to turn teachers into frogs instead of learning what happens when metals and acids react. Who the hell cares??? I certainly don’t. I would like to be introduced as a new carefree character, not the main characters in the books that have lots of problems.

6. Who of your friends would make the best president? I can't wait to know why.


I asked Lani a while ago when she was planning on being our president, and she just sort of looked at me funny. That was proof enough that she’s a great candidate. I believe that the only people who should be president are the people that don’t want to be president. Unfortunately, that’s not really how it works… I’ve known people who said really proudly that they want to be “the President of the United States” and I thought they must be crazy. Who would want that? Well, first of all, Lani is hella smart, and I think that helps. She also questions authority sometimes, but still listens to everyone and isn’t obstinate. She’s always really calm and she doesn’t seem to get too stressed. Also, she’s confident and has good self-esteem (at least I think she does). I think all those things are important.

7. I used to always trip out that my strawberry Chapstick tasted so strongly like strawberries (and why was I eating so much Chapstick?). Then I realized that it wasn't the taste that was strong; it was the smell. They say that smell is the strongest sense (and I agree). What is your favorite smell? USE CONNOTATIONS, FIGURATIVE LANGUAGE, OR ANALOGY in your (butter) saucey (saucy?) answer.


Wow, yet another hard question. I have to choose between chocolate, new cars, chocolate chip cookies, coffee, and books. I’ll skip this one because I don’t have the creativity for figurative language and the like right now.

8. If you could invent a new class for AHS to teach, what would it be? 


A martial art would be cool, but I don’t think that would work in a class setting… I think I need a living skill class. Don’t they have those at other places? Well, frequently I find myself unable to do certain things around the house, and I think that’s what that class teaches. I wouldn’t take it though, unless it didn’t have homework and it was only for a quarter or something.

9. Identify any symbol from any film ever (pick your favorite if you can think of many from which to choose). Identify what it means and why you picked it.


My brain feels dead so I’m gonna say the ring from Lord of the Rings. This may be a tad obvious…? It symbolizes greed that exists in even the best of us, because even Frodo succumbs to it in the end. It also symbolizes power, which is why Sauron wants it back and why most people desire it for themselves. I chose it because they’re my favorite movies and I’m not feeling very deep or philosophical at the moment to think about more movies.

10. Will humankind still exist in 300 years?


Yeah, I think so. I mean, it’s existed for way longer than that, and even though we are irrevocably changing Earth, I think that once it gets bad enough we can change our ways and at least slow the damage. I think we are better equipped than the dinosaurs, so unless we get hit by several meteors or several Ice Ages, I think we’re good for awhile. Wouldn’t it be awesome if we were just another link in the chain between monkeys and something else, though??? They’ll be looking back on us and be amazed that they descended from such uncivilized animals.

11. What is the most embarrassing song to ever grace your IPOD (iPod?)? Why was it there, may I ask?


“I Want Your Sex (Parts 1 and 2)” is pretty embarrassing. A few years ago I got a Mac for free because my cousin used to work there and it was being tested. So I guess the person that was testing it decided to put that song on there for some reason. So, when people asked to flip through it they always laughed at it. I still haven’t bothered to take it off, too much technological trouble, I guess...

12. Corey Chin's brilliant question (and it's got me curious): How much would you charge to clean Mr. Ross' microwave?


I guess this is some inside joke that I don’t know about. I’m assuming it’s infamously gross? Which means, I suppose, that everyone’s saying they won’t do it for anything…? So I’ll say something boring: I’ll take $5. I know that totally ruins your joke, but I’m answering it truthfully, because I’m a very serious person…

13. Did you support your answers?
Enough to fit my standards, but since I gotta go rewrite my short story, I’m not doing any more.

I can’t believe Mr. Ross is making me do this when I could be doing homework or sleeping as I would normally say. but this weekend I got a total of 24 hours of sleep so it’s cool. I used to get like 14 hours of sleep on weekend-nights but that doesn’t happen anymore. you know what I find really ironic is how on weeknights I’m exhausted by 7:30 but on weekends I can’t go to bed ‘til 1:30. that sucks. but I usually have fun on the weekend. this last weekend I went to my grandma’s with my sister and mom just on Saturday. Shannon was a brat, as usual, but we had fun. my aunt is one of those lucky people that get to vote for the academy awards, so she gets movies that are in theatres delivered to her house, so we watched Into the Wild last night. I hope that’s not illegal. actually it probably is… maybe I shouldn’t have been…thinking?...that. hm, that’s not really possible. oh well. too bad. c’est la vie. that means “such is life” in French. it’s my favorite phrase in French. very easy to say for English people. ugh, English people. crazy people. my grandparents live in London, and they’re totally insane. they are the biggest hypocrites I ever did see, they eat terrible food and they’re always complaining about something or other. oh well, they’re my grandparents. can’t choose your relatives, so they say. well, speaking of relatives, Shannon’s downstairs stomping around, yelling at mom. she’s a no-nap-monster today so she’s an extra-special brat. poor Shannon. I call her that all the time. maybe I shouldn’t, she might grow up with a complex. but everybody spoils her too much, that’s the problem. I try to counterbalance it. UGGG, I hate Ms. *********, she annoys me. we had to balance some stuff the other day, that’s how it reminded me. she goes on and on about the stupidest things then says we can start lab like 20 minutes before the bell rings, then gets mad at us for being so stupid and slow. slow, yeah, I used to be slow at typing, but I think I’ve gotten better. maybe. at least in my mind. I know people who can type so fast it makes my fingers hurt. like mine are right now. my legs also hurt for some reason. I think it might be karate on Friday nights, it’s kinda strenuous. it sucks cause I’m the youngest one there, it’s a class for adults at Cal, so I feel like a cheat whenever I go. I can tell they think that though I may have a brown belt I’m nowhere near as experienced as them. it’s true. some of them look at me scarily. one black belt just kept closing his eyes and shaking his head he was so disappointed in me. that was sad, actually. but if he’s ever gonna be a teacher, he shouldn’t do that. I noticed the difference between good teachers and bad teachers long ago. some make you fell good about yourself and make you work harder, some make you feel awful and make you lose ummm, shit, I forgot the word, it’s like determination but I’m typing too fast for me so I don’t have any time to think, urghhh. umm, what to think next? my dad came to my mom’s house to put in a new dishwasher. it was kind of annoying because the electricity was out for awhile. it made me realize how much I rely on it (to do homework especially) and how it’s-oops, times up, no more of this, I guess. that’s sad I actually was having fun… by the way, that word I was thinking of is motivation. duh. I'm not gonna organize my thoughts cause i think that takes away the purpose of the assignment. they aren't supposed to be organized, right? they just have to be mildly understandable...

Track 1: Kreator, Don’t Trust
“A pack of lies is all I get from / Anybody else / Experience shows that I’m right.” From the very beginning we see Sam Spade as very comfortable with where he fits in the world and he knows it. He’s been around for a while and we can tell he knows what he’s doing and that he’s gone through stuff in his life before. And I know he likes to prove himself right. Who doesn’t? Over time, being a detective, he has learned to trust no one, not even his partner, Archer. When I hear the line “What happened to your honesty / Did it take a back seat / To your greed / Forgotten cause you’ve / Found out you need to live a lie” I imagine Spade talking to O’Shaughnessy, the woman he’s attracted to but also aware of, as he is with everything else. He begins to realize that she, just like almost everyone else in the story, has an ulterior motive: to get rich and screw anyone that stands in her way. Any honesty that she may have previously had was gone when her want for money walked in, which is usually the case. “Lost trust in the future / Lost faith in prophecies / Lost truth in government promises / Lost hope for honesty” is the last line of the song. He is saying that because he doesn’t trust anything anymore, he doesn’t trust the future, prophecies, or government promises, which I’m sure is the same for Spade. If he doesn’t trust a single person on Earth other than himself, then what else could he trust? He certainly would not trust any of those three things.

Track 2: The Beatles, Money
“The best things in life are free / But you can tell me ‘bout the birds and the bees. / Now gimme money THAT’S WHAT I WANT” is the first line of the song, and I think it’s the funniest. When they refer to the best things in life they’re probably talking about sex, which isn’t necessarily something where the richer you are the better it is. I think Sam Spade would agree with this, because even though he hears lies coming from Brigid O’Shaughnessy, he still sleeps with her either to lull her into thinking that deceiving him will be easy or simply because he wants to and he thinks he’s in love with her. We as the readers don’t know, but it's probably the former. The last section of that quote was the most important, because I believe it relates heavily to the book. The Beatles are making fun of people like Gutman, Brigid, Joel, and Sam because that is in fact the kind of thing that they would say. This whole book is centered around everyone’s different and conflicting ideas of how best to help themselves, and the best way to do that is to get: money! “Money don’t get everything it’s true. / What it don’t get I can’t use.” Spade probably thinks this because he thinks he’s a tough guy who is so above everyone else that things he wants like love or a relationship are trivial things that can just be pushed aside for now because there are other things more worth pursuing, like the Maltese Falcon, which, of course, brings money. “Your lovin’ gave me a thrill / But your lovin’ don’t pay my bill” sounds like something Spade could have said to Brigid or someone else. Again he acknowledges that even though he did enjoy being with her, it didn’t get him something he could use for his benefit, so it wasn’t good enough. Throughout the entire story we see almost zero emotions displayed by our main character. He’s a stony-faced man that likes to talk and make cigarettes. That’s about it.

Track 3: Hirax, Criminal Punishment
“If you take another life / You should die a bloody death / Rape a woman sick freak / Life in prison ain’t enough” is an interesting beginning to a song, it certainly grabs your attention. Spade probably believes in all this because of his view on criminals, despite the fact that he is one himself. Being a private eye, one has to be pretty unforgiving or else your job will always have a dissatisfying outcome for you. Also, we can see from his first scene with Joel Cairo that he’s not afraid to use his fists when needed, and seems perfectly fine when it comes to violence. These lines also make it sound like the person that’s talking is rather expert at this kind of thing and deals out horrible punishment without thinking. When Spade puts Wilmer forward as the fall guy, what he’s doing is protecting himself by ruining somebody else’s life; he simply doesn’t care about other people. “If you kill it’s an eye for an eye / Brutal attack fight back / To survive you will fight to the death” is a very violent line, and so goes very well with our Sam Spade. Though he may want to survive by talking to people and sorting things out, his profession makes it difficult to do that, so he has to resort to “fighting to the death” in order to get what he needs: money and survival, one and the same. “Child molested-demented mind / Insane a violent crime / Treat them to make them well / Let them out they kill again.” This last quote shows how Spade tries to get into the criminal’s mind, because that’s what you gotta do if you’re a private eye. He says “treat them” instead of “lock ‘em up” because he thinks it’s a disease that he has long dealt with. The last line is almost proving the thing he was saying before: that you have to fight to the death, you can’t ever be soft and let them go, because then they’d go off and kill more people and you would have lost the fight, which is something terrible for Sam Spade.

Track 4: Ice T, Addicted to Danger
First of all, “Yo I can’t talk right now man, I gotta get off this phone,” is the kind of thing Sam Spade would say, even if it is a little wordier. He is constantly on the move, and when he isn’t he’s rolling a cigarette. He’s always calling someone to see what’s going on, going somewhere because of what they said, talking to somebody there, going somewhere else, on and on and on. The next few quotes illustrate the perfect example of the relationship between Brigid and Sam. “She got crazy game, might even have more than me / And that’s why I don’t trust, I ain’t no busta / One wrong move and I’ll dust her.” Frequently the reader wonders who’s tricking who; both of them have a tendency to lie to survive. Seeing as he uses his fists to get through difficult situations, and she probably can’t do it or doesn’t think she can, she has to be more skillful when it comes to the art of deception, using both her body and her words. They both still know that if it comes down to a fight or a chase between those two, he’ll probably win. “She said she loves me / Looks deep in my eyes, sometimes cries, all lies / She only loves my cash flow, long dough.” This is the essence of the femme fatale, the woman who will use anything to get what she wants. Though her wily ways don’t work in the end with Spade, they did work with Thursby. She probably told him that she loved him, had sex with him, then left him in Constantinople so he wouldn’t have a share in the money. She did this only for her own benefit. The end of the song shows how this kind of story often ends: “Then I felt a pain in my chest / The smell of gunpowder and burnt flesh / I looked in her face, opened my mouth / And then her badge came out.” The Maltese Falcon is all about deception, as I said before, and this trickery until the very end is a theme of the book. When Brigid kills Archer in the alleyway, when Sam calls the police after Gutman’s run off, when the falcon turns out to be a fake are all examples of twists in things we thought were sure and for real.

Track 5: Udo, Private Eye
I gave up looking for more songs, so this last one is kinda funny. “I’m always watching you – my secret eye / No chance to hide away – I’m not that blind.” We see from the beginning that Spade’s got sources: whenever he’s got a problem he seems to be able to ask someone he knows and they can help him. He has the ability to track the cab driver down that took Brigid to the ferry building or whatever, he has a hotel detective stationed at the Alexandria Hotel to watch Gutman’s every move, and he has Effie at home base keeping watch. Though the stereotype of private eyes is that they’re very isolated, slow-moving, and painstakingly analytical, Sam is different. Also, he probably believes that no one can hide away from him, because he takes in details about people and can guess at their personalities. Though he comes very close to falling for Miss O’Shaughnessy, he doesn’t in the end and does it to her instead. “No matter what you do – it’s watching you / I’ll be your second mind – controlling you.” Here he’s talking about his so-called “private eye” as if it’s looking on a completely different level, analyzing people. He also touches on how they use words to manipulate people. Both Sam and Brigid act to get what they want, either by lying or twisting the truth. In this way do they both control people that have what they want, or are in the way. “All actions will be saved – no matter why / I will manipulate – defy and lie.” All private eyes that I’ve heard about, maybe except our Sam Spade, love all the little details. They think success lies in the discovery and analysis of them, so they pay close attention. This doesn’t seem to be the way Hammett puts Spade across. He does, however, describe people a lot, but it never comes to anything. Sam doesn’t look too closely at the details, but he seems to be able to categorize people and guess what they’ll do next. Again, Udo mentions the way in which private eyes get what they want. Also, the whole book is about people lying to and defying each other, as if everyone were a private eye and searching for the answer: the key to happiness (money…? Yeah right).

Once again, this entry has torn me apart. Whenever asked what my favorite food is, I am at a loss as to how to respond. Should I say Indian, Greek, Chinese, or Thai? I love mixing Indian food into a big messy mush until every taste is a delicious burst of myriad flavors, and I LOVE Greek salads, pita bread, hummus, and taramosalata. I love all the little ways you can eat Chinese, and how many different ways in which it can come. But Thai, ohhh THAI! How could you not love Thai? Well, I’ve decided, as you can see. How sad…

Here we are in the middle of a dim and tiny but somehow lively room, stuffed liked sardines in the corner of a Thai restaurant. Hustle and bustle fill our ears as we sit patiently among all this havoc and hubbub. We hear some Asian-sounding language from the kitchen along with the clanging of pots and pans. Even Shannon, the ultimate noisemaker, sits confused and worried whilst looking around in her high chair. The first course finally arrives and my salivation knows it will soon get what it wants. In the middle of our tiny table sits a scrumptious-looking pot of soup over a tiny flame. The waitress serves each of us some of the Tom Ka Gai, and we begin to slurp away. The first taste brings your taste buds to attention with its spice; the second taste brings them alive with the taste of COCONUT! There are also other less important things like ginger and green onion that I couldn’t for the life of me remember. You realize how much you love the soup now that it’s sweet and American-friendly (not that that’s a good thing, of course).



After drinking the last of the delicious soup and its vegetables, we feast on a platter of Chicken Satay, which is just some chicken on a stick and some peanut sauce. Everyone fights for the last one, which Shannon gets in the end, and we wonder how we’ll be able to fit another whole course inside our belt-bursting stomachs; we still do, of course. We still have the energy to add to the noise and joke around a bit, and begin to feel freer in this open and friendly environment. Aromas of spice and coconut tease our noses while we wait, harbingers of the food still to be devoured…

The jasmine rice comes, backs straighten out, chairs are moved forward, and everyone at the table is ready for more. The green curry comes first, with chicken wallowing in its green coconut goodness; next comes the red curry, with more chicken wallowing in its red spicy goodness. Last but not least arrives the pad thai, with even more goodness wallowing in noodle goodness (you can see how Thai food renders me totally speechless and sans vocabulary). I take several large spoonfuls of rice, followed by several large spoonfuls of green curry, etc. I am now entirely focused on my plate and my plate alone. I watch as the green and red curries slowly seep into the rice, making a mouthwatering muddle of finger-licking mush (with some chicken on top). I then reach out for the pad thai, scooping up some and dumping it all on my already-full plate. I finally take one last look at my entire plate, say a prayer of thanks (an atheist one, preferably), then set in.

Best of all is the timelessness of Thai food (it’s actually a lot less sophisticated than you think). You know how some food you just got to have fresh? Well, Thai, as well as some others, can be put in the fridge for awhile, heated up again, and still be delicious. Not only that, it is even better. I believe it’s because the spices have time to settle down and soak into the chicken and the rice, but it might just be that everything else you got out of the fridge is nowhere near is good, especially with my cooking ability. Or lack thereof.

1. If you could be a fly on anybody's wall, on whose wall would you perch? Why? What would you do with the information?

Wow, this question makes me feel like a stalker. OK, well, I’ve always been a perfectionist, but I’ve never done anything near perfect (I know, sad, isn’t it???) so I would say I would like to perch on the wall of one of those perfectionists who DO do everything perfectly. Those people make me mad sometimes. All the time, actually. I would, of course, shut my eyes when they aren’t decent; I’m not that gross. I would just like to study their study habits, see how they juggle life, sports, and homework perfectly while I have trouble juggling just ONE of those. I would NOT copy their homework or do any such terrible thing… I don’t think it would really help me at all, but if I had a choice, I might as well try.

2. What is your favorite piece of art? Describe what it looks like. Why do you like it so much? How does it make you feel? Does it tell a story? Have symbolism?



My favorite piece of art would be the lord of the rings trilogy, but just in case that doesn’t qualify, I’ll say Starry Night by Vincent van Gogh. I often think of that painting when I hear the word “art” so I’m guessing it’s my favorite. It’s probably other people’s favorites too, of course, and it has to be famous, or else I wouldn’t ever have had access to it… Basically there are some cool-looking trees in the fore-ground with a small town and chapel in the “middle-ground.” In the background are what the painting’s named for, stars and a crescent moon. Like all of his paintings, it doesn’t look so real that you notice little flaws, but it has its own van-Goghness that looks so original. I like how everything is set in blue or yellow hues, to strengthen the feeling of a starry night, I suppose… I especially like the clouds/wind, and how it blurs the light of the stars when it goes over them. I also like how the direction of the brushstrokes adds to the texture of the painting, if you look around the moon, you see the brushstrokes are also in a circular shape. It has an air of creepiness to it, especially from the trees, but I think that adds to the story.
I looked it up online and it says that the symbolism lies in there being a beautiful starry sky above a little humble town. It symbolizes the power nature has over humankind, which I totally agree with. I believe that this should be the case, not that it is… *coughglobalwarmingcough*

3. If you could choose your parents, how would they be? Describe how they look, act, and parent. What do they do (for work, hobbies, etc)?

I dislike this question. Well, my parents are very strange, just like everyone else, but I’d be scared to find out how I would be if they were any different. If they had to change, I would make them both happy with their jobs, which is not the case with either of them at this current point in time. I would also like them not to be self-destructive, and not put themselves down all the time. Maybe it’d be nice if they made my lunch every once and awhile, too. For some reason, everyone in my family including me has an aversion to making bag lunches. I would like them to be happy with the way they look (I know that narrows it down quite a lot, but if I could choose, hey, that would be my answer). I don’t want my parents to act any different than the way they do now, that’s perfect. It’s really just how they regard themselves I think would help all of us. I would also not like them to watch terrible TV shows…

Despite all that, I really should be happy with what I’ve got. So you can just ignore that last paragraph…

4. If you could live in any decade, which one would it be and why? ELABORATE. What opportunities would you take advantage of in said decade?

Ugh. Well, definitely not in the 20th or 21st centuries. I have always loved history and the world it opens up to my eyes. Maybe it’s just me wanting to be somewhere else than I am (very usual for me). Every book I read from a long time ago has made me want to go there… Let’s see, I’ve always loved ancient Greece, and love reading about their mythology and stuff, so I’m gonna say the Mycenaean Age of Greece (1600-1100 BC). In my opinion, all this technology and stuff has made us all depressed zombies that like to “move small green pieces of paper around,” in the approximate words of Douglas Adams. At this time in the world, in Greece of course, I would probably be pretty poor, since they were generally the happier people. Maybe I’d be a potter and make pots so we in the future could dig them up and be amazed. So I’d prefer to live in a beautiful place where the world hasn’t yet had time to beat itself up. Yes, I’m being cynical and pessimistic, deal with it.

If this doesn’t qualify, and my answer has to be in the 20th century, then my answer would be 50s, cause that’s after most of the big wars and it gives me time to enjoy the 60s and 70s. Somebody tell me if we were supposed to do it in 20th century, please, and I’ll EDIT.

5. If you could/had to be any Disney character, who would it be and why?

I used to watch Disney every day, apparently, but only a select few. It was mostly Rescuers Down Under, Fern Gully, Fantasia, Robin Hood, and Lion King. This is funny because my dad is extremely anti-Disney (he thinks Walt was trying to corrupt all the kids and start an evil corporation or something ridiculous). Well, I’ve always liked Peter Pan, and I’ve always wanted to fly, so I’d like to be him. And I also totally agree with his motto: that we should never grow up. I definitely don’t want to grow up, not many people do these days, I guess. He also lives on a really awesome island with a bunch of friends and a fairy. Cool…

6. There is a difference between the moral man and the criminal in that the moral man has a legitimate reason to steal. Support or refute this idea (that a person's objectively bad deeds can be justified by the subjectivity of their life).

Philosophical question…hm. I would say it’s true IF 1) The moral man in question needs the stuff to survive AND 2) The person he’s stealing from didn’t rightfully earn this stuff, either by cheating or unfair opportunities. A truly moral man would realize that this person they’re stealing from had equal opportunities as himself and not steal from him. That might not make sense, sorry. A criminal would steal from anyone, whether rich or poor. Well, I WAS gonna mention Robin Hood, but someone (Sophie) already wrote about him, so I’ll just leave him out of this…hmph. But yes, I believe this can be true, if, for instance, Woman #1 stole from Woman #2 then Woman #2 has every right to steal the stuff back. Woman #1 is the criminal, while Woman #2 is the more moral man of the two (hehe).